Paul is back in the game, at least for now and with a slight twist in the dynamic.
There’s something in him that wants other people involved, to witness what a sad, pathectic specimen he is.
During casual conversations about our day, I had mentioned My daughter many times. It was Paul who brought her into the dynamic, suggesting her as a potential “dimension” to our games. The transition was surprisingly smooth. My daughter had already mentioned wanting something specific for a garden project, so a couple of voice notes were enough to facilitate a simple arrangement. It became just another thread woven into the dynamic, possibly as just a one off but time will tell.
He has also long expressed a desire for my best friend to be involved. He knew she wasn’t interested in any direct contact, but she was willing to provide bank details. The agreement was simple: whatever he sent to her, he would also send to me.
It didn’t take long for that arrangement, his little constructed “threesome” dynamic to cost Paul £200.
How long this will continue is difficult to say. Paul is someone who always reaches for more. He pushes at boundaries, and tries to reshape agreements in subtle ways that benefit his own desires, particularly when it comes to contact or perceived emotional connection. Eventually, it all tends to stall when he doesn’t get what he’s trying to engineer, or when I simply grow tired of the pattern and step back from the game.
A recurring theme is his tendency to project narratives onto me: how I feel about him, what I think of him, where I “place” him. He seems to enjoy placing himself and others like him into categories, usually negative ones, whether they actually reflect my perspective or not. He gravitates towards ideas like contempt and distain, and while I don’t typically feel those things toward him, I have noticed a shift over the past few days where detachment and contempt have started to surface. For now he is a means to an end, especially as I have important projects that need finishing. I am personally dealing with some personal issues that have left Me with very little in the way of patience. I might even go as far as to say he has become an outlet for My frustrations. I don’t know how long this will last for Me but I have always just *been Myself* I do not have the energy to pretend, to act a certain way no matter what I might gain from it.